I confess to… telling you that I’ve only slept with three people when I’ve actually slept with five… OK, seven…

I confess to… being sick on the kitchen floor after a night out and blaming it on the dog.

I confess to… thinking that sunflowers grew from corn.

I confess to… farting on the bus and tutting at the person sitting next to me.

I confess… that sometimes I love seeing you, but sometimes I love seeing you leave even more.

I confess to… getting off school early after telling my teacher that my granddad had died. He had died, two years earlier.

I confess to… manually typing ‘sent from my iPhone’ on e-mails. I don’t have an iPhone.

I confess to… only just realising that raisins are just shrivelled grapes.

I confess to… thinking Portugal was the capital of Spain.

I confess to… once putting a peanut up my nose because I wanted to be a monkey.

I confess to… falling out of the changing rooms with my trousers around my ankles.

I confess to… writing ‘Quim’ in a game of scrabble with my Grandma thinking it was a made-up word.

I confess to… thinking ‘duct tape’ was actually ‘duck tape’.

I confess to… quickly eating all my favourite colour sweets and pretending there were none in the packet.

I confess to… feeling happy seeing that that bitch from school is really fat now.